Yesterday, February 2, marks the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox or Imbolc: a cross-quarter holiday for those who follow the Wheel of the Year. In honor of my Irish ancestors, I made soda bread with dried blueberries and enjoyed a slice this morning as I watched the snow fall in Northeast Tennessee.
I love snow days! The white blanket covering the ground feels like a fresh start and makes me want to run outside and play. Walking outside among the flurries and breathing in the crisp air is invigorating and cleansing.
I don’t know if I would feel the same way about snow if I lived in a place where it snowed many months out of the year. I hope so if for no other reason than I would enjoy my life more.
Speaking of enjoying life more…
During a recent conversation, a person said to me:
I don’t think my needs are unusual. I just think they haven’t been met yet.
Wow! Her comment stopped me in my tracks…for several reasons.
One reason: How many times do you hear someone proudly claim and honor their needs? Not many times I would imagine. In a lot of families, needs are not something which are spoken let alone honored.
Quite often we are taught needs are to be met independently of others. If you ever worried about being a “burden” or were afraid of coming across as “clingy” or “needy,” then you probably grew up in a culture which equated needs with being a problem.
Rather than viewing needs as a problem, what if we thought of needs as natural?
Mind-blowing thought, yes?
Some of us can get on board with having certain needs, like having water to drink and food to eat. You know, the basic things we need to survive. And yet, we downplay the importance of other needs which is the difference between misery and happiness.
For example the need to feel loved is often considered a “want”: as if the need to be loved was an added bonus in the game of life. Same is true for the need to belong. We minimize these needs and rationalize their importance until many of us are leading lives of pain.
Imagine how our priorities and interactions would change if we acknowledged and actively (opposed to surreptitiously) sought love and belonging. Would folks need to act out of desperation if their needs were seen as valid and deserving of being fulfilled? (This question makes me wonder if bullies and tyrants would seek to exist and if addictions would be almost non-existent.)
The other reason the above comment stopped me in my tracks is the overriding sense of self-worth.
To believe you are worth it. That you are worth, not just basic survival, but worthy of a life which includes love, connection, and happiness. This belief is radical, and if adopted, would create amazing changes in your relationships, your thinking, and your self-identity.
I suspect if we all thought our needs were “not unusual,” then we would be more likely to ask for what we want and to leave when we did not receive it.
What do you suspect would happen if you believed your needs were “not unusual?” Please share, if you wish, I’d love to hear.
Wishing each one of you a beautiful week filled with met needs!
Kim Bushore-Maki is a soul-driven entrepreneur who understands the undeniable urge to create a business and a life filled with meaning and purpose. Her vision of opening a center where women could heal and grow led her to open Shakti in the Mountains in Johnson City, Tennessee: a place where the creative, feminine energy is nurtured and valued.
Five years later, Kim is still in the flow of supporting and building a healthy, vibrant community and now guides retreats, teaches yoga, and provides one-on-one services for women who want an immersion experience into the life-affirming, Shakti energy.
Kim’s training as a therapist and yoga teacher allows her to safely and compassionately guide women on a heart-centered journey to Self, where women re-connect with their beautiful, authentic spirit.